It’s over. We’re through.
I never meant for it to end this way, and I’m sorry.
I think it’s time we face the truth – let’s stop kidding ourselves – we’re just not compatible. You were once special to me. You meant something. You were edgy and sophisticated and I knew that when you were around you would add that extra spice to my life that PG couldn’t provide.
But now, frankly, you’ve become dull. You seem to have no respect for me anymore. I see you eyeing those teenagers when you think I’m not looking. I know how you get turned on by the way they react to you. They think you’re fresh or fly or rad or whatever they’re saying these days – you would know – you apparently speak their language. You’ll do anything to get them to watch you.
I don’t want to hurt you but I feel I need to be honest. I don’t know when you changed, or how, but you’re not the same. I feel betrayed. I feel cheated. I trusted you to be different and you sold yourself out. What’s worse, I don’t think you really know who you are anymore. You’re always hanging around with R – acting like him, speaking like him – there were times I honestly thought you wanted to be him.
You’ve been growing more violent and your mouth needs to be washed out with soap. You’ve been doing drugs and having sex and taking all your clothes off and I know it’s only because you’re jealous of R. You emulate R in every way.
But you’re not R. You’ll never be R. In fact, you’re embarrassing R. There was a time when it was okay for you just to be bigger than PG. You were PG with a kick. Now you’re just lukewarm R. You’re R lite. The problem is: R wants to be a film. You want to be a theme park ride.
I don’t think you have any idea what you’ve done. People are talking. Not only are they having a hard time telling you and R apart, now they’re thinking of adding a new R rating, a Hard-R rating. Fine, so you are having an identity crisis – there’s no need to take R with you.
When I think you’ve gone and done it all, there’s more. You’ve felt the need to jumble up horror films. For Pete’s sake, how do you screw up a genre? You’ve watered down horror so much for teenagers that now R has got to dig from the bottom of the barrel: demented mayhem, sadistic and brutal scenes of torture, grisly violence, gore and terror. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Did you really think you could put your hands on the remake of Prom Night and I wouldn’t notice?
You’re not being true to yourself. Look at PG. She’s got a good self image going these days - we’re seeing more and more of her. She’s become flavor-of-the-month. Take a look around. Folks just like PG. You, on the other hand, are a bit of a mystery. You’re greedy, self-centered, and are always looking for a quick buck. You like seeing your name in print – doesn’t matter what it is. PG-13 here, PG-13 there. You’re homogenizing sincere and honest stories so you’ll fit a younger demographic. Your existence really has no meaning anymore. You think you’re all that and a bag of popcorn.
Anyway, I think we need a break from each other, if only for a little while. It’s time for me to be an adult. You should know that I’ve starting seeing R on a regular basis. Yes, I’ve even spent some time with NC-17. I like them. They treat me like a grown-up. You can have your teeny-boppers – I’m roaming with the mature bunch, now.
I’m sure we’ll see each other now and then, if only in passing. I’m not going to make any promises, but maybe we can spend more time together once you clean up your act. Go find your sense of purpose. Take a look at your history – where you came from – it’s all there. A little self-discovery would be good for you.
Until then, drop your key in the mailbox when you leave. I’m staying with Unrated until this blows over.
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